Laura Marjorie Jakes
5 min readMar 7, 2021

Here I sit, with eyes puffed up from hours of on and off crying. I now know I need to leave my job. I knew it on Friday that I will leave this job and now it is Sunday. I also know I will not have secured another job first and will therefore commit the cardinal sin of mis-managing a career.

They have lost faith in me…maybe or not, but more importantly I am losing faith and confidence in myself to ever please them. The truth of the situation is murky to me and always just out of my sight — an ugly mirage in the distance with only poison waiting to quench my thirst for “the truth”.

Two weeks ago I received a bonus for “my great work” but since then it has been all downhill. I was excited, believing I was finally “getting it’ and that they actually did want me there. This has often been in doubt along the way, but you don’t generally bonus people you don’t want to have around. High on life, top of the roller coaster — you know the feeling. I should have looked down. The fall coming hard and fast as I was high speed flipped upside down, with the realization that this is a “no-win” game. The politics in this small business are tight and small and private, leaving no keyhole to even peek inside to try to understand how it all works. All I know for sure is that I sit outside of this clique with no invitation into the warmth and team camaraderie sequestered on the other side of the wall.

Laura Marjorie Jakes

Starting over yet again...truth seeker and fledgling sharer. Reader, wannabe writer and lover of ideas, beauty and most of all, FREEDOM.